I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
