i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
