Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize