remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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