i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
