my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize