It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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