i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
