i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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