I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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