My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
