youre lurking in front of me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
