I love black thongs
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
