I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
