Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
