he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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