As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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