Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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