They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
