I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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