you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
