Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
