woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
