i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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