she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
