I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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