they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
