We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
