all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
