I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
