I got chris browned last night
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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