how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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