And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
