She said her name was "party"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
