This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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