What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
