I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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