you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
