honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
