having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
