Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
