How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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