i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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