He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize