I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
