If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize