dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
