Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize