You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i barfeds in our rink
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
