At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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