Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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