I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh god it's open bar.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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