Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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