you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
