Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
