i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
