The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
