did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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