u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
