I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
