Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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