you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
