i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
