I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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