used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
