I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
