guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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