I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
