she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
