We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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