plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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