paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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