Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
